What's the difference between a schoolmaster and a stationmaster?

The stationmaster minds trains while the schoolmaster trains minds.

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What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies. Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.