What does Jesus say when someone cuts his call?

Hello.. Hello..? Lama sabachthani?!

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What can walk over the water, but can travel under the water without getting wet?

Jesus in a submarine.

Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

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How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.