How can you tell if a road is sad?

It has low shoulders.

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How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana?

Try picking it up. If you can't it's either a monster or a giant banana.

How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke?

Three times - Once when you tell it, once when you explain it, and once when she gets it.

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Why did the Libertarian Cross the Road?

None of your Damn Business. Am I being detained?

Why did the console peasant cross the road?

To render the other side.