How do narcissists remember everything?

They have a photogenic memory.

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What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there?

Arrrh, it's driving me nuts

What do you call a Mustard that keeps remembering things that haven't happened yet?

dijon-vu mustard... (Sorry)

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How does a Narcissist change a lightbulb?

He holds it up to the socket and the world revolves around him.

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One narcissist. The narcissist holds the lightbulb in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.