What do you call the guy who manages my apartment building?

The thoooperintendent.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

What has two thumbs and doesn't understand jokes that require a visual component?

This guy!

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What did the double hand amputee get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't managed to open it yet.

How did they manage to smoke?

They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter