Why is Russian the most dangerous language to learn?

Because it's Russki.

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What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

What do you call a happy Russian?

Gladimir Putin!

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What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee?

Despite what everyone tells you, you'll never learn from your mistakes.

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.