Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

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Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What do Roseanne Barr and a battleship have in common?

A: They both need three tugs to get into their slips.

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

What's a sailor's favorite thing to watch at sunset?

Knot movies

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

Who Conquers All obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

Learn Jokes More Learn Jokes

How are you doing in arithmetic ?

I've learned to add up the zeros but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

What's your biggest weakness?

Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes" Interviewer: "Oh, why's that " Interviewee: "I never make any"

John Boehner Jokes More John Boehner Jokes

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

How do you make an orange turn red?

Get John Boehner to cry.