Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

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Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How do you expect us to loan you money if you can't prove to us that you don't need it?

Banks

What do diapers and politicians have in common?

They both need to be changed after a while for the same reason

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What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room?

You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

Why should you never watch a movie with a generous Nascar driver?

He might give away spoilers!

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What do read heads get when they don't brush their teeth?

Gingervitis Edit: redheads. I am a disgrace.

What did the doctor do after he finished reading the book?

He removed the appendix!

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What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float ?

That's my buoy !

What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

John Boehner Jokes More John Boehner Jokes

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

How do you make an orange turn red?

Get John Boehner to cry.