How about an autograph mate?

Sure." He replied. So I signed a photo print of myself and gave it to him.

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What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"

What do you call an expert that studies sign language?

A signtist!

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Who slept with my wife?

and in the background someone replied "You ain't got enough bullets."

How'd ya get that?

asked the bartender. "From my husband," she replied. "But I thought he was out of town " he asked. "So did I!" she said.