How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

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What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?

You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

What does an arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long?

Polaroids.

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Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.