Rip Jokes

What do you call an Arab who has a ripped body??

Osama Bin Liftin

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How did Jesus get so ripped?

He does crossfit.

What happens when redditors die?

RIP in box

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What did one toilet roll say to another toilet roll?

People keep ripping me off.

What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive?

A rip-off.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP

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Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A rip off.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

CrossFit

What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use?

Ill-gotten gains

What did the drifter say to the person he hit ?

RIP my E-brake

Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

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What do feminists and Redditors have in common?

They both have multiple triggers that will cause them to down vote those who don't think the exact same way as them.

What's worse than a Redditor walking into a bar?

The Holocaust.

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How do you ruin a joke?

By reposting it every week!

Why do Jihadist Muslims drink only instant coffee?

Because they completely hate the French press. (Reposted)

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Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A blonde parade!

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Which wrestler has the finisher that stings the most?

Stone Cold Steve Irwin.

Why should Steve Irwin have put on sunscreen?

To protect himself from the harmful rays.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What does the internet need to take when its constipated?

Google Fiber Note: Randomly came up with this joke today

Whats a joke so bad its funny?

I just want some really hillarious jokes, preferably long ones

Ruin Jokes More Ruin Jokes

Which American city did Japan ruin?

Detroit

What did the chef say when he ruined the soup with too many herbs?

Well, this was a waste of Thyme."

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What's the last thing you want to hear when you're blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson."

Why did the bird join he air force?

He wanted to be a parrot trooper!

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Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years?

Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years? Michael Jackson

Why would Rip Van Winkle make a good janitor?

Because he swept for 20 years.