Rip Jokes

What do you call an Arab who has a ripped body??

Osama Bin Liftin

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How did Jesus get so ripped?

He does crossfit.

What happens when redditors die?

RIP in box

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What did one toilet roll say to another toilet roll?

People keep ripping me off.

What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive?

A rip-off.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP

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Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A rip off.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

CrossFit

What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use?

Ill-gotten gains

What did the drifter say to the person he hit ?

RIP my E-brake

Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

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Crossfit Jokes More Crossfit Jokes

What kind of exercise did Jesus do?

Crossfit

How do you know if somebody does crossfit?

They are probably in better shape than you.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get if you cross Oddjob with Blofeld?

Oddfeld...

Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons ?

Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train !

Little Jimmy Jokes More Little Jimmy Jokes

Why was little Jimmy fishing in the well?

Because Tom had previously drowned in the well and everyone said "Tom is sleeping with the fishes."

Why did little Jimmy break open his computer?

It said that it had 20 cookies in it.

Sweep Jokes More Sweep Jokes

Why did the guy kick the broom out of his house?

It swept with his girlfriend :P

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?

Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

What's the most terrifying gift your SO/Family can buy for you?

Reddit gold.

Why is it so cheap to buy 12 rhombuses?

Because they're a diamond dozen

Box Jokes More Box Jokes

Why was the blond excited when she finished her puzzle after 6 months?

Because the box said 2-4 years!

Why did Rudolfo salute the box of Cornflakes in the supermarket?

Because the label said General Foods.

20 Year Jokes More 20 Year Jokes

What does a man and a linoleum floor have in common?

If you lay 'em right, you can walk on them for 20 years.

What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?

Second gear.

Arab Jokes More Arab Jokes

Why are the best bellydancers all Arabs?

Because they can sheik it.

What do you call an Arab oil baron with Parkinson's?

Sheik Shake