Rip Jokes

What do you call an Arab who has a ripped body??

Osama Bin Liftin

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How did Jesus get so ripped?

He does crossfit.

What happens when redditors die?

RIP in box

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What did one toilet roll say to another toilet roll?

People keep ripping me off.

What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive?

A rip-off.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP

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Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A rip off.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

CrossFit

What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use?

Ill-gotten gains

What did the drifter say to the person he hit ?

RIP my E-brake

Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

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Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument?

He was baroque.

Whats baked every day and sells itself?

My sister.

Harmful Ray Jokes More Harmful Ray Jokes

Why does Steve Irwin hate sunblock?

It doesn't protect from harmful rays

Why don't you buy sunscreen from Steve Irwin?

Because it doesn't protect you from harmful rays

Arab Jokes More Arab Jokes

Why don't Arab women need Insurance?

Because they are already covered.

What do you call an Arab flying a plane?

A pilot you racist

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

What do you call a lamington that weighs a lot?

A lamingTON!

Why did the Computer Engineer retire young?

He had a lot of cache.

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

Ruin Jokes More Ruin Jokes

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex

What do women and pine trees have in common?

Every time you try to get on one, they ruin it by getting sappy.

Crossfit Jokes More Crossfit Jokes

What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog?

Deciding which to tell people first.

How did Jesus stay in shape?

Crossfit

Fence Jokes More Fence Jokes

Why do cemeteries have fences around them?

Because people are dying to get in.

How do lumber theives offload their stolen goods?

They fence it.