Rip Jokes

What do you call an Arab who has a ripped body??

Osama Bin Liftin

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How did Jesus get so ripped?

He does crossfit.

What happens when redditors die?

RIP in box

How do you sell a deaf guy a frog?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG? rip.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

Whole Foods?

Ripped off.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

What did one toilet roll say to another toilet roll?

People keep ripping me off.

What do you call a bad hairdresser who is also very expensive?

A rip-off.

Why did Steve Irwin's sunscreen get recalled?

It didn't protect him from harmful rays Edit: Steve Irwin was the man. RIP

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Why didn't the man buy Velcro shoes?

because they were a rip off

How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing?

Let's just say he felt overall sadness.

What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend?

Rip in peace

How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who would win in a fight?

A bicycle wheel or an old book Well, it's hard to say. One's pumped and the other's ripped.

What did the vegetarian do to get ripped?

He juiced...

What's the fastest way to get a ripped body?

Take highwhey.

Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?

Because he was de-composing.

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

What did the slaughterhouse foreman say when he found out his best butcher had his heart, lungs and kidneys ripped out in a cutter accident?

That's offal

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

Why were all the girls looking at the piece of paper?

Because it was ripped.

What do you call a cheap vasectomy?

A rip off.

Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

CrossFit

What do you call it when you get ripped from steroid use?

Ill-gotten gains

What did the drifter say to the person he hit ?

RIP my E-brake

Where did Christ get his ripped abs?

Cross fit

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

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Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

What quality does Elon Musk look for in a woman?

He just wants her to be down to Mars

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.

What happened when the lepers played poker?

One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

Excite Jokes More Excite Jokes

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

What discovery was the garden's mathematician excited about?

AVOCADO'S NUMBER!

Frog Jokes More Frog Jokes

Why are frogs on the endangered species list?

Because they croak a lot!

Whats does dissecting a frog and explaining a joke have in common?

Sure, you know how it works, but now it's dead.

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Fence Jokes More Fence Jokes

Why do they put fences around graveyards?

Because people are dying to get in.

What's the difference between a refugee and a terrorist?

I don't know. I just build the fence.

Little Jimmy Jokes More Little Jimmy Jokes

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

Why was little Jimmy fishing in the well?

Because Tom had previously drowned in the well and everyone said "Tom is sleeping with the fishes."

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

How good are the showers at Auschwitz?

They're to die for.

What did the Hawaiian Jihadist say before he died?

Aloha Ackbar!