How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem?

He worked it out with a pencil!

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What squeaks as it solves crimes ?

Miami mice !

Why can't Atheist solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers

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What's the problem with leptokurtic data sets?

They tend to be mean.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.