I just watched a documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam show I ever saw

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What did the beaver say when his house burned down?

Damn

How much wood does a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck chuck could chuck wood?

None because only beavers give a dam.

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Why couldn't the orphan watch the movie?

Because it was PG

Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie?

It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.