What did the pirate say when he was accepted into flight school?

It's a pilot's life for me!

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What did the computer say to the pirate?

Want to date hot Russians!

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

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Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies?

They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.

Who was the first black person accepted into Harvard University?

The Janitor