What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

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What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.

What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?

Wife: Please go wait in the car

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What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

M-my parents " "No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

What did Waldo say at the Superbowl?

I'm just here so I won't get find.