What do you call a jerking off well-endowed midget?

A huge short coming.

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What do you call an Irish midget?

Whatever their name is, you insensitive jerk.

What do you do, if you're jerking off when you're meant to do something else but you're putting it off?

Procrasturbation.

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What do you call a well-endowed Asian man?

Hung Lo

What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed?

A Hung-Ariyan.