What do you call a whirlpool in a church?

Holy water!

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What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

Why do the say "Amen" in church but not "Awoman?

Because they sing hymns, not hers!*

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What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water?

A religious movement.

What do you get when you mix castor oil with holy water?

A religious movement.