What is long, white, and very sticky?

The coming of the Lord!

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How do fish make calls?

On a shellphone! My 7 year old self was very proud of coming up with this one....

What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

Lord Jokes More Lord Jokes

Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings?

Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.

How many quarters does it take to play the Lord of the rings pinball game?

None, it only takes Tolkiens