What's the difference between and out-law and an in-law?

One's wanted.

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What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

What's the difference between men and pigs?

Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

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Why should you be sure to pay your exorcist on time?

You wouldn't want to get repossessed!

What did the toaster say to the pop tart?

I want you inside of me.