What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?

Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

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What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today?

He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, "Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"

Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all the coffin.

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What's George Washington's least favorite flower?

Lie-lacs!

What's George Washington's favorite element?

Americium-1776