Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

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What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end

Why can a number divided by zero never be found in the dictionary?

Because it's undefined.

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Why don't you transport onions by boat?

You don' want your boat to be full of leeks.

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.