Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

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What do monks, rabbis, and Mormon priests have in common with brains?

The all tend to be found enclosed within temples.

What do you say when you find two banana peels together?

Answer: A pair of slipper

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What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

What do you get when you mix pie and onions?

Opinions!