Onion Jokes

How would you handle a complaint from a customer?

Applicant: Well that depends, what's the complaint? Interviewer: He's complaining that his burger had onions on it, even though he specifically asked they were to be removed. Applicant: Well I'd start by telling him he's in the retail section.

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What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

What do you get when you mix pie and onions?

Opinions!

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

What do onions and people have in common?

I weep uncontrollably when I cut them.

What do you need to make a crystal salad?

Onions, tomatoes, and a whole bunch of lattice

Whats the square (root) of a (onion)???

Shallots

Where do onions fight?

In the onion ring!

What do you call an edible ion?

An onion

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion

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Why don't you transport onions by boat?

You don' want your boat to be full of leeks.

Where do onions wrestle?

Onion rings.

What's the difference between an onion and a woman?

I cry when I cut open an onion

Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions?

Onions" was his dog... D:

How is a hailstone like an onion?

They are both whitish and have layers

What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore?

I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?

Teargas

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

What makes a chef sadder the skinnier it gets?

A: An onion.

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

A: Tear gas.

What does a bag of rice and an onion do when they get into a fast car?

They pilaf. I'll show my way out

Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.

Why do onions have poor self-image?

Because people cry when they get onions naked.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop an onion.

What what can you make from baked beans and onions?

A: Tear gas.

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People Jokes More People Jokes

Why aren't there any B batteries?

Because people might think you have a stutter.

What did one ghost say to another?

I'm sorry but I just don't believe in people.

Customer Jokes More Customer Jokes

Who earns a living driving their customers away?

A taxi driver

What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween?

Happy halloweenie

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Where's the dog?

flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox?

If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.

Soviet Jokes More Soviet Jokes

How many Soviets does it take to change a light bulb?

None! In Soviet Russia, light bulb changes you!

What is it with Russians and their track suits?

Because back in Soviet day, suit track you.

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

What do you get when you put a tomato in your mothers shoe?

A spanking

What do your mother and the ground have in common?

They are always full of seed.

Saxophone Jokes More Saxophone Jokes

Why are the saxophone afraid of the trombone?

Because the trombone is a sax offender.

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How does a woman go about inventing a lightbulb?

She gives birth to a son.

What do you call a woman with six kids?

Lucy

Remove Jokes More Remove Jokes

What happens when a sane person posts on a far right sub and a far left sub?

removed

Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4?

They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.