Where's the best place to buy jive cheese?

Monterey, Jack!

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Where do you buy a baby?

Hole Foods.

Who wants two tickets to the gun show?

I bought the Groupon but can't make it :(

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Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse?

Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.

Where is the best place to find hot grills?

A barbecue

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What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common?

The same middle name.

What does a baby sound like when you put it in the microwave?

Idk, I was too busy jacking off...