Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find?

Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes.

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How do you find an alive baby in a pile of dead babies?

With a pitchfork!

Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed?

Son: I couldn't find a spider.

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What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

What book does the Queen of England read to get herself into a raunchy mood?

50 Shades of Earl Grey