How about a guillotine?

Wife: Me: I'll be on the couch.

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Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

What do you call two couches that are in love with each other?

Homosectionals.

Guillotine Jokes More Guillotine Jokes

How about a guillotine?

Wife: Me: I'll be on the couch.

How do you get your partner to give you head?

Put them in a guillotine.