What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

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Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?

He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea.

How did the midget feel after sleeping all night in a coffin?

A little stiff.

Couch Jokes More Couch Jokes

What's the appropriate age to take the electric shock collar off your kid?

My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.

What does the hippie say when you tell him to get off your couch?

Namaste (better to say it aloud)

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

Why was Linda so mad on her wedding day?

Her soon to be husband forgot how to groom.

Why can't witches get pregnant?

Because all their husbands have Halloween-ies!

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

How many gnomes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just the two, really. Or as many as will fit, if theyre feeling frisky.

How many disappointments can you fit into a van?

I don't know, I can't get them outside of the house.

Marry Couple Jokes More Marry Couple Jokes

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces?

Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.