Why did the engineer buy a mattress?

To sleep under it

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Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What did Putin say when he was finally fed up with Boris Nemtsov?

I'm putin' that guy to sleep

Why did the hipster go to bed early?

Because he sleeps before it gets cool.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Who would still buy a Note 7 after all the controversy?

A Muslim

Why did Snoop Dogg buy an umbrella?

Fo drizzle

Engineer Jokes More Engineer Jokes

What kind of ears does an engine have?

Engineers

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

Mattress Jokes More Mattress Jokes

Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road?

Do they really think someone will take it Do you think I should wash it first

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.