Fit Jokes

I'm going to a cheese and wine party tonight and the host has requested I bring a "mystery cheese". I'm hoping there's a puntastic cheese out there somewhere that may fit the bill!

Why are outdoor workers so in fit?

Cause they work out.

Why didn't the monk's clothes fit properly?

Because he was cohabiting.

What kind of medicine do you give a kid having a fit?

An anti-hissy-tamine.

What do you call an old person trying to fit in with today's kids?

A dislocated hipster.

How many Mexican clowns can you fit in a car?

No, seriously. Cuz I bet it's a lot

What's blue and doesn't fit anymore?

A dead epileptic.

How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool?

Flip it upside-down.

What size bed comfortably fits a married couple?

Twin. Because the husband has to sleep on the couch.

How do you fit 100 dead babies in a barrel?

with a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw.

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a French girl?

You can only fit three fingers in a bowling ball.

What's the difference between an airplane bathroom and your mom?

Your mom can fit 3 people inside her comfortably!

How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?

Take the 'F' out of safe and the 'F' out of way.

How do you fit 3 babies in a bowl?

Blender. How do you get them out? Chips.

How many disappointments can you fit into a van?

I don't know, I can't get them outside of the house.

What do you call a tree that you can fit in your hand?

A PALM TREE!!!

How many successive 'ands' can you fit into a sentence with it still making sense?

The landlord at The Dog And Duck pub needed a new sign to hang above the door, so he contacted his signwriter. The signwriter arrived a week later with the new sign, hung it above the door, and asked the landlord what he thought. The landlord replied with, "I like it. However, I do feel that there should be bigger spaces between ' ' and ' ', and ' ' and ' '".

How many pancakes can you fit into a dog house?

None because ice cream doesn't have bones.

What fruit fits best in your palm?

a palm-agranate!

What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.

How many dead babies can you fit in a phone booth?

78.5

What do you call an epileptic having a fit in a deck-chair?

A Transformer!

This joke may have profanity.

How do you fit 20 Cubans in a shoebox?

How do you fit 20 Cubans in a shoebox? Tell them it floats!

How many midgets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'd be surprised if you could fit two in there

What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because little boys don't fit in a lightbulb.

How do you fit an elephant in the subway?

You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".

How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?

You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said

Why was Jesus in such good shape when he died?

He was Cross-Fit.

How can you tell if a black guy is well hung?

You can't fit your finger between the noose and his neck.

Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Because she can't fit into D shells

What's black and white, and red all over. And cant fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a javelin through her.

How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag ?

You take the "F" out of way.

How do you fit an elephant in a thimble?

You take the "I" out of "thimble" and the "F" out of "way."

How many people does it take to screw in a light?

Two, but I don't know how they'll fit inside the bulb

How many defensive coordinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero. You can't fit a hairless ten-year-old inside a light bulb.

How do your pants fit?

The man responded, "Like a glove".

How many gnomes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just the two, really. Or as many as will fit, if theyre feeling frisky.

How do you fit an elephant in a teacup?

You take the f out of way. say it out loud if you don't get it

What's the hardest part of milking a mouse ?

Getting it to fit over a bucket !

What do you do when you see an epileptic throwing a fit in a bath tub?

You throw in some laundry and detergent.

Why did King Kong.... Climb the Empire State Building?

He couldn't fit in the elevator.

Why can't there be a Santa Pig?

Pigs don't fit in chimneys.

What did the retail employee say to the young gang member in the fitting room?

You dont fit in the hood kid.

What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich?

What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth

How do you fit 4 guys on a bar stool?

Turn it upside-down. But how do you get them off Shake the stool. (OK, I'll leave now.)

What do you call 50 feminists on a bus?

Trick Question. You can't fit 50 feminists on a bus.

What is the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball

Why weren't there any black men in the trojan horse?

They couldn't fit.

How do those even fit in your pants?

He replied "They fit like a glove."

Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?

I wouldn't fit through the door.

How many Filipinos can you fit on a jeepney?

One more.

How Many Martians Does It Take to Screw In a Lightbulb?

At least two, but they have to be pretty small to fit.

How many babies can fit in a blender?

Depends how powerful the blender is

What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a farmer?

A farmer shucks between fits.

How many dead babies can fit inside a Bio-dumpster?

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?

You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

How many mexicans can you fit in a bus?

All of them.

What's the difference between Madonna and a bowling ball ?

You can only fit three fingers in the bowling ball.

How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?

You fit into his clothes.

What's black and white and can't fit through a door?

x-post r/AntiJokes) A zebra with a spear through its head.

How to do fit ten popes in a vw bug?

Tell them to take off their hats

What did the dyslexic, epilptic with hemorrhoids say?

If I fits I sitz."

How many homeless guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only 2, but I have no idea how you're gonna fit both of them inside a lightbulb.

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What is blue and does not fit?

A dead epileptic.

What did the mortician say to his new necrophiliac employee?

Don't worry, you'll fit right in.

What shoe can fit 206 million feet in it?

Honshu!

How do you think his pants fit him?

Like a glove.

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

Why can't a Blonde make Kool-Aid?

She can't fit the two cups of water into the tiny packet.

What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?

A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

How many Catholics can you fit in a habit?

Nun

How many contortionists fit in the trunk of a regular sedan?

Depends on the size of the pieces.

How many women fits in a monk monastery?

Nun.

How do you fit 100 babies into a cup?

A blender. How do you get them out Tortilla chips.

How do you fit 4 girls on a bar stool?

Flip it over

How do you fit five elephants into a car ?

Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !

How many debutants can you fit in ballroom at the Waldorf Astoria?

OC Like, a cotillion of 'em.

What's the difference between a corn shucker with epilepsy and a whore with diarrhea?

The corn shucker shucks between fits...