Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

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Why should you never buy ukrainian underwear?

Chernobyl fallout.

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

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How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

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What does a racist joke and a crime have in common?

They both start with you looking over your shoulder.

What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you?

Partner in crime.

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Why didn't the mobsters car parts fit?

they all fell off a truck.

How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe?

He tried to blow up a police car.