Crime Jokes

Why's it so hard for blind people to commit crimes?

Because they can't see.

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What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

an innocent bystumbler

How does a pregnant black woman fight crime?

Abortion

This joke may have profanity.

Why do rappers always get arrested?

Because he who did the rhyme did the crime

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!"

What crime is he accused of?

Vesicular Basalt

Why did two owls get arrested for the same crime?

They were in ca .

How does a black woman fight crime?

By having an abortion

This joke may have profanity.

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

What do you call an elite team of crime solving tree surgeons?

Special branch.

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What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

What is black and in jail?

A black man who committed a crime.

How does a black woman stop crime?

She gets an abortion.

This joke may have profanity.

How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime?

He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy

Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

Why did the crazy Mexican conductor get convicted for a crime?

because he had Loco-Motive.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

What's dark, and usually involved in crime?

A balaclava.

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

What do you call a dead baby ,who fights crime?

Miscarriage of Justice

What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you?

Partner in crime.

How do they prevent crime in hamburger country?

With burger alarms!

What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%?

This calls for Jurastic changes

Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

Because she's Lucy Lawless

What squeaks as it solves crimes ?

Miami mice !

Why aren't you allowed alcohol on a golf course?

Because it's a crime to drink and drive.

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why did the vegetable thief get a lighter sentence?

Because he admitted the crime was *parsley* his fault.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What's the difference between crime and cybercrime?

At the moment this joke.

Why did the phone get away with its crime?

Because it had good connections!

What do you call a black guy on a bike?

Crime

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

What does a racist joke and a crime have in common?

They both start with you looking over your shoulder.

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

Where do shapes go to pay for their crimes?

A prism.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

Why shouldn't you be racist?

Because racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?

It was wrong on so many levels.

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Accuse Jokes More Accuse Jokes

What do you call a wrongly accused art thief?

Framed

Why did Luke Skywalker get in trouble for using the Live Long and Prosper sign?

It's because he was accused of cultural appropriation.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

How many Lutherans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Change Why do we need change (It's cool, I go to a Lutheran church)

Who takes the best selfies in LA?

I need someone good to do mine.

Ride Jokes More Ride Jokes

How many Sand People does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No one knows. They ride single file to hide their numbers.

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Wanna go ride a bike?

Blind People Jokes More Blind People Jokes

How many blind people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I am not sure, I haven't seen them try and I can't do it either.

How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors?

They just have a feel for that kind of thing.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

How's the meal?

Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...

What did the priest say when watering his garden?

Let us spray.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys everyone a drink?

The fun guy

What'll you have?

A tachyon walks into a bar.

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

What is the difference between a black man and a couch?

A couch can support a family

What do you call a black man in a tree?

Branch Manager

Scene Jokes More Scene Jokes

Why did the movie scene have a rusty pan?

Because Rusty thought the scene in the book was better. I'll show myself out. This is a horrible joke.

What is it called when a ninja flees the scene of an accident?

Hidden Run.