What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

His answer: "My mom."

What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand?

hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D ... wait what were YOU THINKING ! ! !

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did one triangle say to the other triangle about the square?

Look out for that guy, he's got another side to him.

Who me?

Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why do you hold your hand flat above your eyes when you look into the distance?

Because when you would cover your eyes with your hand, you wouldn't see sh*t. I'm lame.

What do you get if you cross a salmon a bird's leg and a hand ?

Birdsthigh fish fingers !

Stare Jokes More Stare Jokes

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

What does Ellen Pao have in common with the girl's mom from 'The Sixth Sense'?

The both have no idea why everyone stopped talking and just stared at her.

Crime Jokes More Crime Jokes

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Long Time Jokes More Long Time Jokes

What's the difference between Americans and Brits?

Brits think 200 miles is a long distance, Americans think 200 years is a long time.

Why was the blonde staring at the box of orange juice for a long time?

because it said "CONCENTRATE"

Cnn Jokes More Cnn Jokes

How do you get Reddit to improve their search function?

Have CNN report on how bad it is

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.