What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands?

I literally can't even."

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

How to lose a gf: Gf: which of my friends would be the most fun to have a 3some with?

Me: *names two of them*

What is Apple's CEO's favourite TV show?

Lost

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why don't you ask Joseph, the carpenter?

God: Uh huge grin cos I'm banging his wife raises hand up top

What u doing later?

Wife: That's not what I meant by pick up my towel. Just hand it to me, idiot.

Pavement Jokes More Pavement Jokes

What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety?

Crumbs!

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

A: Who cares!