Pavement Jokes

What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands?

I literally can't even."

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When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

A: Who cares!

What do you call the small amount of time between when you slip on a peel and when you hit the pavement?

A bananosecond

What was John Lennons final hit?

The pavement

What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety?

Crumbs!

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Slip Jokes More Slip Jokes

What food is given to ebola patients?

Pizza because it can be slipped under the door.

How does an international banker have a good Friday night?

He goes to a bar and slips somebody a Rupee, then gives them a Franc and some Deutsche Marks.

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

Whats worse than having to break up with your Japanese girlfriend for the first time?

Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.

What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

Small Jokes More Small Jokes

Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4?

They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.

What's the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get?

Mine is a skittle.

Cookie Jokes More Cookie Jokes

Why'd the cookie go to the hospital?

It was feeling a little crumby.

What is a hipster russian roulette?

You got six cookies and five of them is gluten free.

John Lennon Jokes More John Lennon Jokes

What do Kodak film and John Lennon have in common?

They both came in a yellow box

Why was John Lennon shocked when he got his wife's gynecologist bill?

He had misunderstood the doctor when he said "I do probe Ono."

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Who was the best boxer of all time?

Jim Jones, I heard he took out 909 people with one punch.

When do clocks die?

When their time is up.

30 Jokes More 30 Jokes

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Care Jokes More Care Jokes

What do you call it when someone admits to caring about how they dress?

A confashion.

Which is worse, insouciance or ignorance?

I don't know and I don't care.