Drunk Jokes

What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

an innocent bystumbler

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What do you call a dissection performed by drunks?

An Autipsy.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.

Which has less drunks: an Irish wedding or an Irish funeral?

An Irish funeral has one less drunk.

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.

What are you gonna be for halloween?

Me: Drunk!

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Stone Jokes More Stone Jokes

What do Lena Dunham &amp ISIS have in common ?

They both love stoning women.

What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?

You skip them both.

Drunk Muslim Jokes More Drunk Muslim Jokes

What do you call a drunk muslim?

Hammad. What do you call a VERY drunk Muslim? Mohammad.

What did the drunker muslim say to the drunk muslim?

I'm Mohammad than you

Stone Driver Jokes More Stone Driver Jokes

What's the difference between a drunk driver, and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver will drive right through a stop sign. The stoned driver will stop and wait for it to turn green.

What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

Drug Jokes More Drug Jokes

What kind of drugs to tumblr users take?

Anti-oppressants.

Why do drugs for small dogs have to be tested on larger ones first?

All canine drugs must be lab tested before their public release.

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

What do you call a dog that has balls of steel and is dragging them across cement?

A: Sparky.

Why the story tells that Cindarella was at the ball?

Because the censor erased the letter "s".

Scent Jokes More Scent Jokes

What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride. Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of women's perfume all over you, meeting your wife at the door and stating, "You're next, chubby."

How do skunks like their e-mails?

Scent.

Drunk Driver Jokes More Drunk Driver Jokes

What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver?

The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there.. The high driver will wait until it turns green

What's the difference between a high and drunk driver?

The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What happened to the minter who went crazy?

He stopped making cents.

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!