What do you call a dissection performed by drunks?

An Autipsy.

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What band performed at the Jefferson memorial?

Nickelback

Why did the acid perform poorly?

Because it didn't concentrate.

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How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.