Face Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What's the difference between a garbanzo pea and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo pea on my face.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it's the scenter!

How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?

It is when the blind try to read your face

Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

There was a face off in the corner

What did the ghost say to the other ghost at the Halloween party?

Let's get sheet-faced!

What's the difference between racism and asians?

Racism has many faces.

How do you tell if Lady Gaga is dead or not?

You PO PO PO POKE HER FACE PO PO POKE HER FACE!

Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

One waits till you're 14 before coming on your face.

What's the difference between racism and the chinese people?

Racism has many faces...

Whats black and hurts when you get it thrown in your face?

A Piano.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Why don't chickens wear underwear?

Because their peckers are on their faces.

Why are ships' portholes round?

So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.

What's thr difference between the chinese and racism?

Racism has many faces.

What's better than having a garbanzo bean on your face?

Having a chickpea on your face.

How many Ricks from TWD does it take to change a light bulb?

Carl gets shot in the face.

What did the five fingers say to the face?

SLAP!

What did Will Smith's toe say to his face?

I am leg end.

How do you keep a clown from laughing?

Hit him in the face with an axe.

What's the difference between Jesus and a whore?

The expression on their face when they're getting nailed.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do they want to change the faces on dollars but not on coins?

Because the only constant is change.

How do you get a clown off a swing?

hit him in the face with an Axe

What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride. Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of women's perfume all over you, meeting your wife at the door and stating, "You're next, chubby."

What did Serena say to Venus before they faced off in the US Open?

In tennis, love means nothing.

How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces?

Fabric softener.

How do you swat one hundred flies at the same time?

Smack an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

What is Rihanna's favorite song?

I can't feel my face when i'm with you"

What's Rihanna's favorite love song?

I can't feel my face when i'm with you"

How did the blind kid burn the side of his face?

He answered the iron

What's his name?

A man walks into a bedroom and sees a hot, naked woman lying face-down on the bed. Q: What's his name? A: Willie Turner Q: What's name? A: Betty Will

What's the difference between a cat and a politician?

A cat will lie your face. A politician will lie your face.

Why did the police officer shoot himself in the face?

He had a black eye.

How did Helen Keller burn her face?

She answered the waffle iron. How did she burn the other side? They called back.

What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree?

A gorilla pooped on his face.

What is the worst thing about getting hit in the face with PI?

It never ends.

When is it okay to spit an arab woman in the face?

When her moustache is on fire!

Why was Jimmy sad?

Cause Jimmy had a frog stapled to his face.

Why is it good to know someone who kicks ducks in the face?

Because they're always footing the bill.

Why don't chickens wear pants?

Because their pecker is on their face.. Thank you, good night!

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between Jesus and Sasha Grey?

The look on their face while being nailed.

What's the diffrence between a Chickpea and a Gorbanzo bean?

I woun't pay a 100 bucks for a Gorbanzo bean on my face.

Why did the punk-rocker cross the road?

He had a chicken stapled to his face.

What's the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest?

A pimple waits until you're 13-years-old before coming on your face.

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

What motivated Hercules to face off against Cerberus?

Alcmene triple-dog-dared him.

Why was the young boy crying?

Because he had a frog stapled to his face

Why did the cancer patient get smacked?

His hand was bigger than his face.

What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce on its face?

Chicken Caesar salad.

How do make a woman blind?

Stick a car windshield in front of her face.

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?

Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet-first?

So you can see the look on its face. How do you get said baby out of the blender? Tortilla chips.

What are you going to do for a face?

When the monkey wants its bum back? :D

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Why don't Rooster's wear underwear?

Because their pecker's on their face

This joke may have profanity.

What did the midget get when he ran under the strippers legs?

A flap in the face.

Whats the difference between chinese people and racism?

Racism has many faces

Why does it take Sarah Palin so long to get ready in the morning?

Because she has two faces.

What's another word for a face tattoo?

An everlasting jobstopper.

What's the worst part of getting hit in the face with pie?

It's never ending.

What did the overweight woman say to Buffalo Bill when she woke up?

I can't feel my face when I'm with you...

How can you tell the pig is a failure as Easter bunny?

By the egg on its face.

Why doesn't a chicken wear underwear?

Because his pecker is on his face!

This joke may have profanity.

Why did the dyslexic man have slime on his face?

Because I told him a good joke.

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

How do you get a clown to stop smiling?

Hit him in the face with an axe

What's the difference between garbanzo beans an chickpeas?

I don't have to play $50 for a garbanzo bean in my face.

What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbonzo bean?

I wouldn't let a Garbonzo bean all over my face.

Which religion faces the most Resistance?

Hinduism... Om......

Why does your face look like a donut?

me 30 minutes into dieting

Why did the stick-figure man's arm keep hitting him in the face?

Because it was the punch line.

Why don't chicken wear underwear?

Because their pecker is on their face.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do ghosts like going out?

So they can drink boo-ze and get sheet-faced.

How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face?

I forgot to wet the soap.

How can I face the problem?

When my problem is my face!

Where have you been?

he asked. "To my mother-in-law's burial." "Then why the scratches on your face " "She kept resisting, that old fart."

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was *actually* Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam."

What kind of flower grows on your face?

A: Tulips.

What a glum face what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ?

Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it !

What's the difference between a chickpee and a garbanzo bean?

I'd never let a garbanzo bean on my face

How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?

he asks with a large smile on his face.

What do priests and zits have in common?

They bost bust on 12 year Olds faces

How do you stop a clown from laughing?

Hit it in the face with an axe.

What are the two things someone with a face tattoo never hears?

You're hired" "Not guilty"

Why was the clown kicked out of the maths lesson?

Because he kept throwing his pi in other peoples faces!

What's the difference between my face and my jokes?

People laugh at my face.

Why is your face all scratched ?

My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !

Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never had a lima bean on my face.

What do me and a mirror have in common?

A.When we see your face we both crack up!

What is someone who takes drugs?

What is someone who drinks What hit you in the face last night

Whats the worst joke you can play on an American?

Two pies to the face and one somewhere in a field in Pennsylvania.

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

Why did the Chinese man fall down the stairs?

He was shot in the face.

How do you get a clown off of its unicycle?

Hit it in the face with a pickaxe.

What do you call shooting yourself in the face with jiz?

Homo-cide

Why do Swedish men always have stupid grins on their faces?

Because they're stupid" said her friend.

Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?

Netflix: Because you watched "The Wedding Planner"

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ?

A bear faced lyre !

Who would you turn to face?

be careful with whom you chose

Why didnt the asian block a punch coming to his face?

He couldn't see it coming

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Place Jokes More Place Jokes

What is Facebook?

Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .

How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?

With scare spray.

Long Face Jokes More Long Face Jokes

Why the long face ?

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face ? Horse: because I'm a raging alcoholic.

Why so long face?

Latvian say, "I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby."

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

Why did the cop wake up his son?

To stop a kid napping.

What's that awful thing called... M: ... J: You wake up with it after you drink?

M: Linda.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How do you make a Snowman smile?

Tell him the snowblower is coming.

Why did the snowman take his pants off?

He heard the snow blower was coming.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What's the difference between drunk people and black people?

Drunk people are found bars. Black people are found them.

Why didn't the Mexican take Xanax?

He was barred.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a triathlete and biathlete?

A triathlete doesn't go both ways.

What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

Garbanzo Bean Jokes More Garbanzo Bean Jokes

What is the difference between a garbanzo beans and a chickpea?

I would never let a garbanzo bean in my mouth.

What's the difference in a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a Garbanzo bean on my face before.

Glum Jokes More Glum Jokes

What a glum face what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours ?

Pupil: I'd be too polite to mention it !

Why so glum Chum?

asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister "