Place Jokes

Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .

Why did the dislocated finger leave the party?

He felt really out of place.

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold it in place, another to rotate the universe around it.

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What'd they call that place with the collection of escape artist memorabilia?

now museum, now you don't

What two places can you find a California roll?

Sushi bars and stop signs.

How many millenials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. They hold it in place while the world revolves around them.

Why is everyone afraid of Vladimir Putin?

Because Vlad is Putin everyone in their place. I'll let myself out.

Why was the piano invented?

So that the musician would have a place to put their beer.

What did the physicist say to the two women he was trying to pick up at the bar?

Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?"

What did the fisherman say to the fisherwoman?

Your place or mine

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded?

What did the french chef say when the cheese factory exploded? Looks like we have debris all over the place

Why did the hipster cross the road?

To get to a place you've probably never heard of.

Why did the drunk fall asleep at the wheel?

He needed a place to crash.

What's that one place in Thailand called?

Ahh Phuket. Nevermind.

How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

Why does Daenerys take so long to get places?

She keeps her feet.

Why did the model pee herself?

She was all dressed up with no place to go!

How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

What's the safest place in Dallas during a tornado?

The Cowboys stadium, the only place there'll never be a touchdown

What's the first place Dora explored?

The mexican border.

What do you call an X-Games athlete who placed dead last?

A louger.

How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold it in place while the rest of Europe runs circles around it.

Where did AT&T get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

What did the hipster say when a starbucks opened in his neighborhood?

You can't gentrify this place! I just moved here!"

Why was christopher never in the same place?

Because he's always Walken

What do you get when you watch 'Cinderella' backwards?

A woman in her place...

What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?

A retail store.

Why did the girl reject the landfill owner?

His place is a dump

How many mottophobics does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Who do you think broke the filament in the first place

What places have the least racial tensions?

Bakeries, there are brownies and crackers there and yet they never fight.

What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action?

A: An inj-oink-tion.

What did the guy from Northern Canada have to say about the place?

He wanted Nunavut.

Why does Ellen Pao play so much tennis?

Its the only place she can get love.

Why did the lady at the bar slap the man next to her for stroking his mustache?

Because in between stroking it, he said "hello, let me clear you off a place to sit."

Why was the white man chasing the black man?

Because he was in first place.

How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?

With scare spray.

What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel?

I'm sorry to leave now that I've almost bought the place.

How long have I got?

Not long. Two, three months" casually places apple on desk "Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?

Any place without a drive-up window.

What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards?

You see a woman learn her place.

How do ghosts fly from one place to another?

A: By scareplane.

What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend?

They both let me stick it in only one place.

What do you call the corner of 69th and main?

Your moms place of employment

Why do Mexicans always walk around like the own the place?

Their dad built it, and their mom cleans it

What did one the left headphone say to the right headphone as they walked through a haunted house?

This place feels earie.

How to Ethiopians celebrate their child's first birthday?

A: They place flowers on the grave.

How to you know that cows will be in heaven?

It's a place of udder delight.

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

What did one plane said to the other plane?

Can I crash at your place

What do you call a place where they don't allow sleeveless shirts?

A gun free zone

What do you call an atheist in a six foot pine box?

All dressed up, with no place to go.

Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors?

So they can park in handicap spots.

Why do the Germans use commas in place of decimal points?

Because it makes 6,000,000 seem like a much smaller number.

What happened at the Mr. Softee when someone spiked the syrups with Viagra?

The whole place turned into a Hardee's.

This joke may have profanity.

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They just hold the bulb in place and the world revolves around them.

Whatcha doing?

Me: "Going on twitter to hang out." H: "Twitter is an app, not a place." Me: *whispers venomously* "Is too a place!!"

How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: It was supposed to be in place last week!

Where's your wedding ring?

I said, "I had to wash my hands so I took it off and placed it on my lover--I mean your mother's kitchen counter."

What did the Eskimo schoolboy say to the Eskimo schoolgirl?

What's an ice girl like you doing in a place like this

Why must you be religious to join the Navy?

Because it's a place of war ship.

What do you call a duck being kidnapped?

An abduction. I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

What do you get when you place a Russian leader on a cracker?

Putin on the Ritz.

What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't?

No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.

Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?

He needed places to hide the bodies.

What is it called when there is bread all over the place?

An abundance

How can you tell when a German is joking?

Don't worry, he will inform you after delivery of the punchline has taken place. Just a joke!

What's the most racist place in a house?

The laundry room. It's the only place where the blacks have to be separated from the whites.

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

Why do cowboys have foreskin?

So they have a place to put there chewing tobacco when brushing their teeth

What do you call a place monks go for Halloween?

A monascary

What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony?

One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it.

What do you call the place where parrots make films?

Pollywood!

What does Michael Bolton say when he walks into an elevator?

This place rocks!"

Where did AT&ampT get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock?

I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!

What was Camelot ?

A place where people parked their camels !

What's the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike?

A: The place they are aiming at.

Why a conch shell, and why there of all places?

So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."

What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

What's worse than a chauvinist man?

A woman who doesn't know her place.

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