What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel?

I'm sorry to leave now that I've almost bought the place.

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What kind of doctor never leaves the hospital?

An Oncologist

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

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Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

Why did the gamer cross the road?

Buy the DLC to find out

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What are you looking for buddy?

Normal day at the office, when one guy notices his coworker distraught. He goes over to his cubicle and sees him looking for something on the floor. They spend half an hour looking for it, when the guy starts picking his nose:

Why do women live on average two years longer?

Because the time they spend parking doesnt count.

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Why ever not?

The teacher doesn't know a thing all she does is ask questions!

Why is there such a shortage of teachers in Africa?

Teacher's aides

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What do you get when you watch 'Cinderella' backwards?

A woman in her place...

What's the safest place in Dallas during a tornado?

The Cowboys stadium, the only place there'll never be a touchdown

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What kind of laptop calls you a thousand times?

A dell

What do you cal a campsite trampled by thousands of tiny insects?

A gnatural disaster.