Whatcha doing?

Me: "Going on twitter to hang out." H: "Twitter is an app, not a place." Me: *whispers venomously* "Is too a place!!"

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Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?

Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.

Why are there many black people hanging around my family tree?

because im a black man you racist

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What did I do before Twitter?

Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY ! !

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

What do you call a place where Mexicans go to the bathroom?

A deport-a-potty.

What do you call the place where parrots make films?

Pollywood!

Whisper Jokes More Whisper Jokes

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

Where are you from?

So where are you from?" "I'm a Liberian" "Oh sorry" *whispers*

App Jokes More App Jokes

What app do you use to browse Reddit on your phone?

9gag

How about an app that keeps track of every working automatic paper towel dispenser in the world?

All seven or eight of them.

Whatcha Jokes More Whatcha Jokes

Whatcha watching?

Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there Me: Two people. 9: Are they married Me: Not for long.

Whatcha inventing?

I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids " "Sure."