What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a doe and dope?

One's gotta pee.

What's the difference between an Irish guy dying in a play, and you getting laid?

One's a tragic Mick...

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

What celebrity never payed with a cheque or credit?

Johnny Cash.

What's your five-year goal?

Me: Paid administrative leave.

50 Jokes More 50 Jokes

What do you call the kinkiest/nastiest move from 50 Shades of Gray?

The Gray Poupon

How many people with OCD does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Only one, but they have to turn it on and off 50 times before they're sure it's fixed.

Chickpea Jokes More Chickpea Jokes

What food can tell you if a girl is pregnant?

Chickpea

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song! (I was really proud of this one.)

Lentil Jokes More Lentil Jokes

What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my chest.

What the difference between What's the difference between a chick pea and lentil?

I've never paid to have a lentil on me!

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"