How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?

I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking??

Slow down and grab some lube!!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What's the worst question you can ask a blind date?

So.. you seeing anyone "

How many women are necessary to change a lightbulb?

One... but, what does it matter if she will ask a man to do it !

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

How do you stop a clown from laughing?

Hit it in the face with an axe.

Which religion faces the most Resistance?

Hinduism... Om......

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

What's the best part about dating a homeless chick?

You can drop her off wherever.

What do you call an attractive zombie?

Drop dead gore-geous!

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

Why is it so difficult for people with breast cancer to remember things?

They have bad mammaries.

What do you call a Mustard that keeps remembering things that haven't happened yet?

dijon-vu mustard... (Sorry)

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

Who was that on the phone Fred?

Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Dinner

Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

Fight Club Jokes More Fight Club Jokes

How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

What's the difference between fight club and veganism?

You don't talk about fight club.