How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Who's there ! Billy Bragg ! Billy Bragg who ?

Billy Braggs too much tell him to stop it !

Why did Erdogan stop a man from jumping off a bridge?

One does not simply fly in Turkish airspace without Erdogan's permission.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

I'll be Bach.

Why did the college student ask for a refund on his student loan?

Because his *degree* didn't work!

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride. Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of women's perfume all over you, meeting your wife at the door and stating, "You're next, chubby."

How do you tell if Lady Gaga is dead or not?

You PO PO PO POKE HER FACE PO PO POKE HER FACE!

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?

Sir, you dropped your receipt!"

Why do you have your thumb on my steak?

So I don't drop it again, Sir."

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard."

Why do people with no arms have difficulty remembering?

Because they can't put their finger on it.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

When does a horse talk on the phone?

Whinny wants to!

Why did the clock phone the ruler?

Because desperate times call for desperate measures....

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What has three eyes, three hands, and three legs?

Two pirates

Why am I not asleep?

he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away.

Fight Club Jokes More Fight Club Jokes

What's the difference between fight club and veganism?

You don't talk about fight club.

What's the best part about a Fight Club joke?

The punchline.