How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do you think about the coming battle General?

God knows it will be lost. - Then why should we go for it - To find out who is the loser.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Need to know ASAP.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

How do you tell which truck is the mail truck?

It has huge balls on it. Credit goes to the 70 year old man who just came into my work and made my day.

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

Why did the chicken cross my wife?

Because I ran her over in the street.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What do you mean ?

Well she turned up the Minster turned up but the groom didn't !

What did the power ranger-turned-addict say?

It's morphine time!

40 Jokes More 40 Jokes

Why would Sally sell seashells by the seashore?

There are plenty there that are free. Just walk and you are bound to find at least 40. Idiot

What do you call an 80lb midget with 40lb testicles?

SFW) Half nuts!

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What's the true meaning of a New Years resolution?

Something you do for the first week of the new year.

Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail?

Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

Ugh Jokes More Ugh Jokes

How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen?

Ugh.... Pho queue...

Fill Jokes More Fill Jokes

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket filled with manure?

The bucket

Why did (do?

cavemen drag their women by the hair if the dragged them by their feet they'd fill up with mud.

Birthday Jokes More Birthday Jokes

When's your birthday?

Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy... ten dash four PO: What year Me: Ugh duh every year

What did Michael get for his birthday?

Gloves ... Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet Knock, knock Who is it Not Michael

Tum Jokes More Tum Jokes

What did the druggie do when he got acid?

Took some tums

What do you call Tums in suppository form?

Bums