Face Jokes

What do fruit punch and a punch to the face have in common?

Both can knock you out at a party.

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What do you call it when a feminist yells so much she spits on your face?

A femijizm

Why did the Face of Bo go to the party by himself?

Because he had no body to go with.

What is a oreo?

2 gang members smashing a white boys face.

Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly?

So he could look at others' faces.

Why should you know who is the bride at an Irish wedding?

Because that's the one you're *not* allowed to punch in the face.

When I asked her why, she said "uhhh no real reason". I'm thinking, "no reason, huh?

So I punched her in the face. Now she has a reason.

What's the difference... between a gazpacho bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a gazpacho bean on my face.

When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?

Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!

What products do you use for grooming?

she asked me. Her face looked quite taken aback when I said, "Facebook"

How would you like that cooked?

gets right up in waitresses face* With frickin fire, obviously

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When I fix someone's computer and they say "Wow how'd you do that?

I tell them I'm a wizard then throw glitter in their face.

What do you call a guy going down on a girl with a smile on his face?

A Gladiator

What do jesus and girls have in common?

The expression on their faces when they got nailed.

Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

Because it came out of the pen.

How do you tell Michael Jackson's age?

You put a color scale next to his face.

What do Hot Lips Hoolihan and Richard Pryor have in common?

A: They both have had major burns on their face.

Why are there scratches all over your face?

Jujitsu training" You can scratch in jujitsu "It's my cat's best move"

How does that make you feel?

ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.

What do you call a woman with egg and sausage on here face?

Cafe

When you put a baby into a blender, why do you put her in legs first ?

A : So that you can see the expression on the face.........

Why doesn't a duck wear underwear?

Because their pecker's on their face.

This joke may have profanity.

What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?

A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

How do you know if an Asian is depressed?

All around them are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces.

What's the difference between Tigger and Pooh?

I've never smeared tigger on my face

Why was the little boy unhappy?

Because he had a frog stapled to his face

Who are you talking to in there?

M: *stumbles out of pantry with Nutella all over my face* nobody

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Long Face Jokes More Long Face Jokes

Why the long face ?

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face ? Horse: because I'm a raging alcoholic.

Why so long face?

Latvian say, "I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby."

Bartender Jokes More Bartender Jokes

How'd ya get that?

asked the bartender. "From my husband," she replied. "But I thought he was out of town " he asked. "So did I!" she said.

What's a girl gotta do to get a drink?

Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*

Mention Jokes More Mention Jokes

How do you start a conversation about men's rights?

Mention feminism.

How are 4chan and Tumblr alike?

They usually announce a trigger warning before mentioning a school shooting

Chickpea Jokes More Chickpea Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...

What do you call chickpeas cooked in a waffle iron?

Fawaffle!

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why did the chicken walk into the bar?

To screw in the lightbulb.

How the fight started Wife : Going for a walk, do you want anything?

Me : How about a newspaper. Wife : OK, which one Me : Today's.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What's an "oying"?

This joke

How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, they're all too busy complaining about this joke.

Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

Why can't two Asian parents have a Caucasian baby?

Two Wongs don't make a white

How do you blindfold an Asian person?

You put floss over his eyes.

Lentil Jokes More Lentil Jokes

What did the pulse say to the legume as he left?

Lentil next time.

What's difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never paid to have a lentil in my mouth.