How do you lower the crime rate?

Give the criminals badges.

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What's the only thing that grows in Ferguson?

The crime rate.

What's the only thing that grows in Oakland?

A: The Crime Rate!

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What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?

They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

What do you like about me?

Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What Me: Your eyes