How did Charlie Sheen contract HIV?

By banging 7-gram rocks.

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Why didn't Wilma let Fred in when he was banging at the door?

Because she was in the shower and didn't hear him because the elephant stump was on full blast.

Why did a gun go to the barber?

Because it's bangs were getting long!

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Why is Charlie Sheen always seen smiling?

Because he's so damn positive!

What do you call Charlie Sheen in a wheelchair?

ROLAIDS