How did Charlie Sheen contract HIV?

By banging 7-gram rocks.

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What's the best part about having multiple personality disorder?

Banging your best friend's wife every night!

What is a banged-up used car?

A car in first-crash condition.

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Why is Charlie Sheen always seen smiling?

Because he's so damn positive!

What do you call Charlie Sheen in a wheelchair?

ROLAIDS