How did Helen Kellers parents punish her?

They gave her a basketball and told her to read.

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What do you call someone who tells you they've successfully broken the Law of Excluded Middle?

WRONG.** ... or right, or something in between.

Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?

A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

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Why were the proctologist's emails so hard to read?

Too many colons.

Who Conquers All obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

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Why was Cinderella bad at basketball?

Because her coach was always a pumpkin.

Why do black people play basketball?

Because it teaches them how to shoot, run and steal.

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How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Glue doorknobs to the walls.

Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself?

He was already suspended.