Why doesn't Gabe Newell play basketball?

Because he can't make 3's

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Why do the Marines call it Parris island?

Because they like to play with each other's oui oui.

Why did Jesus stop playing hockey?

Because he kept getting nailed to the boards.

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Why Do Sorority Girls Travel In Packs Of 1, 3, 5 or 7?

Because they can't even.

Where can you buy a 3 headed flying purple camel with 74 noses?

Ebay.

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What do you call a Hindu god playing basketball?

Swishnu

Why are black people so good at basketball?

Cause all they know to do is steal, run, and shoot

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Why would Gabe Newell be a good president?

Because then World War 3 would never happen

Why doesn't Gabe Newell have kids?

He can't get to 3rd base