How does J.G. Wentworth tell you that he's hungry?

It's my tummy, and I feed it NOW!"

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What's the best way to make friends?

tell a woman you love her and she says "i think we're just friends..."

Why is the whole battalion yellow and slimy?

Me: I mustard the troops. General: ... Me: Just as you told me to, sir.

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What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?

The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.