What did the pamphlet say to the booklet when it asked for help?

Bro sure!

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How did the coprophilic marine respond when asked what the most important thing in life was?

Duty. Honor.

What will it be for you, my friend?

the vendor asks. "Make me one with everything"

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Why are you late?

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

Why is it so hard to help deaf people?

Because they never listen.