What do you call a blind, mentally handicapped, quadriplegic?

You can call him whatever you want it's not like he's going to get up and do anything about it.

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What do vegetarian zombies want?

Graaaaiiiiinss!

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia?

Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)