What does a gang say on December 25th?

Merry Crips-mas

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What did the ghost say on December 25th?

A: Scary Christmas!

What happens to all the unsold christmas trees?

A Total TreeCull. Basically, on the evening of December 25th, every christmas tree salesperson does the trees

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What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery?

Force of habit.

What do you do if a gang of clowns attack you?

Go for the juggler.